


Heartdust

by satsuki19



Category: Free!
Genre: Amnesia, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-09
Updated: 2015-03-27
Packaged: 2018-03-06 19:55:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3146642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/satsuki19/pseuds/satsuki19
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The memories made him happy. They were so beautiful – and yet his heart constricted. He felt sad. Sad because he's now the only one who remembers them; the memories once meant for just the two of them was now just a memory for him alone.</p><p>[written with the help of Mocai! thank you for being the Rin to my Makoto]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Flowers

**Author's Note:**

> Originally made for MakoRin week but meh :'D  
> Will be updated sporadically because my life is freaking hectic.  
> For people waiting for updates on my threesome fic and the MakoRin angst, please be patient :')  
> As I said, my life is being a bitch. WiFi isn't helping much either.

A bouquet of flowers were held tightly in his hands as he ran through the hospital halls, ignoring the nurses who were yelling at him to slow down. Not that it registered to him immediately anyway; his head was currently occupied with thoughts of his lover waking up from his coma. Two weeks ago, Rin had slipped at the pool while training and hit the back of his head quite hard on a ledge. The red-head had been in a coma and his hospital room had become Makoto's second home ever since.

“Ah, Tachibana-san,” Furude, Rin's assigned nurse smiled, “Takeya-sensei is still performing some basic tests, but you'll be allowed inside as soon as he's done,” watching as he came to a halt in front of her with labored breath from all the running, hunched over and supporting his weight on his knees.

“Hh... Th--” the brunette tried, but it turns out his swimmer lungs weren't as good as they were in his younger days. He gulped and took another breather.

“Calm down, Tachibana-san,” the amusement was so apparent in her voice, “He won't be going anywhere.”

“Ah, yes, I know,” Makoto smiled at her sheepishly, now standing up straight and towering over her, “I'm just so excited. It's a quick recovery and I want to make sure he's okay,” his free hand coming up to palm the back of his neck. 

“Well, I'm sure he'll be glad to see you. What flowers have you brought him this time, Tachibana-san?” she asked, gesturing at the colourful bouquet of yellow, red, and white in his hands with her clipboard and Makoto turned slightly pink. 

“Just camellias, Furude-san,” he tried explaining, but before he could finish his sentence, the door to Rin's room opened to reveal Takeya-sensei with a couple of other nurses Makoto couldn't recognize moving to exit the room. The next words that the doctor conveyed to him didn't register at all; the only thing his ears caught were the words “perfectly healthy” and “you may see him now.” Which was obviously cue for him to enter the room in wide strides and collect Rin in a tight embrace.

“Wh-whoa, whoa, hold your horses, cowboy,” came the red-head's teasing voice as he replied the hug, “I can see you're happy to see me,” and red eyes met green in pure adoration. Rin reached up to ruffle Makoto's mop of olive-green and flashed a toothy grin.

“Of course I am, you have no idea how worried I was!” Makoto gushed, taking his usual seat by the bed and grasping Rin's fingers tightly with his free hand. Emerald orbs took in the sight before him; a smiling, healthy, conscious Rin, who was gripping his hand back and making him finally believe that it wasn't a dream, after all. Rin's back here with him, safe and sound, and Makoto's going to pamper him as soon as they got home; protests from the shark be damned.

“Those for me?” Rin asked, reaching out for the colourful bouquet, and Makoto handed it over to him with a nod.

“Yeah, I brought you new ones every day,” he admitted sheepishly, earning a low whistle from the red-head as he looked around the flower-filled room with an approving nod. There wasn't a single inch of the room that wasn't decorated with flowers; it must probably be the best-smelling room in the whole hospital. It had forget-me-nots, daisies, edelweiss, carnations, azaleas, asters, irises, lavenders, and others Rin hasn't even seen before. If one didn't know better, they'd have thought that Makoto had just raided a whole flower shop.

“I can see that, yeah,” he chuckled, handing back the flowers in his arms so the taller brunette can put them in a vase. “Hey, mind telling me what happened to me? The doctor only said that I fell and hit my head, but I honestly can't remember a thing.”

“Uh, sure, well,” and Makoto regained his seat beside the bed, “I was at work when the hospital called, so I don't know much either, but your team-mate, uh, Lyle?” a nod from Rin, “Yeah, he said you slipped and hit your head on the edge of the pool. The team's already gone back to Australia, though, and you're to stay here until you've fully recovered. And since I'm a fully certified swim coach, I get to have a say in whether you're ready to get back in the game or no.”

“Well that's nice, then, to have you watch over me,” Rin replied with a fond smile, “Have Sousuke and Haru come over?”

“Uh, well yeah, they came a couple of days ago, with Kisumi and Gou-chan as well, but I'm sure they'll come running as soon as they hear that you're--”

“Excuse me, Tachibana-san?” Furude greeted as she stepped inside the room, “Hello, I'm sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to see if you're alright?” walking over to Rin. She took his hand to check the IV needle and turned to him with a smile. “I'm Furude Akeno, your assigned nurse? Takeya-sensei has of course performed tests to check on your medical and physical health earlier; I'm just here to see if you function all right. Most patients that receive a head-trauma have trouble with their reflexes, reactions, or even speaking. Alright, are you ready?”

“Yeah,” Rin nodded, and Furude took her clipboard.

“Let's start with the simple things, then. Name?”

“Matsuoka Rin.”

Furude scribbled something on her clipboard, halted for a second, and then continued, “Date and place of birth?”

“Kanagawa, Kanagawa-kei, February 2nd 1990.”

“Name of father?”

“Matsuoka Toraichi.”

“Any siblings?”

“One, younger sister, Matsuoka Gou.”

“Alright, now I want you to repeat after me, please?” and Furude recited a few sentences, before giving him a series of orders that Rin had to follow to check his response time. It didn't take very long, she was done quite soon and straightened herself up with an accomplished smile.

“Well, that was that. I guess you really have healed up just fine, then, Tachibana-san,” she beamed at him before turning to Makoto, “Well, Tachibana-san, I really do hope that you--”

“Wait, I'm sorry, wait,” Rin cut in, raising a hand in emphasis, “I just... May I know why you keep calling me “Tachibana”? My name's Matsuoka. Tachibana is his name,” gesturing over to Makoto with chin, “Not mine.” To his annoyance, though, both Makoto and the nurse just stood there with a blank, confused look on their faces.

“But Rin, you changed your name last year,” came Makoto's hesitant, barely audible answer, “We agreed on it, remember?”

“... what?” Rin's ruby eyes grew wide.

“Rin, we're married,” he mumbled, “Don't you remember? We got married. Last year, in Australia,” Makoto tried, stepping closer, “I, we, uh, we had a garden party? With that sakura pool you always liked?” his voice sounding even more desperate with every word, “Haru jumped into the pool in the middle of our vows, Rin, surely you can't forget that!” but the bewildered look Rin gave him was answer enough.

“Wait, I... What? We're...” the red-head took a shaky breath, “We're married? But-- How? When? Why? W-well not why why but I mean why, I mean I--” and he ran a hand through his hair, “I'm still dating Sousuke, I can't be--” eyes wild and confused, fingers gripping the sheets tight.

Makoto didn't know what's breaking the heart the most; the sight of a broken Rin or the fact that his husband had just forgotten their whole relationship. He was panicking on the inside, frantic, wanting to lash out at his lover for being unfair; but the rational side of him quickly took over and Makoto regained composure. There were priorities, and right now his main priority is to make Rin remember.

“Rin, hey,” he tried, reaching out gently to grab the red-head's hand, “Calm down. What's the last thing you remember?”

Wild eyes snapped up to calm green ones, “Wh-what? I- I don't, umm..”

“Calm down, love, hey,” Makoto mumbled again, rubbing soothing circles with his thumb onto the hand he's holding, “Take a deep breath.”

Rin did just that, the grip on Makoto's hand tightening slightly, and the brunette watched him closely.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, now, what's the last thing you remember?”

“I- I don't know, there's so many--”

“Okay, um, what's the last you remember about us then? About me?”

“You...?” Rin frowned in concentration, eyes still locked onto Makoto's, “We... We had coffee. A few days ago. I... I was having a huge fight with Sousuke, and you... You were, um.. We talked a lot? You said you had finally moved the last box of your stuff out of Haru's place, and... I don't...” he trailed off, blinking rapidly as he felt tears well up in the corner of his eyes.

Makoto let out a sigh. He and Haruka had broken up somewhere around three to four years ago, and at that time, Rin was still in a relationship with Sousuke, although very unstable. Makoto and Rin had been drinking buddies back then, meeting each other every weekend for coffee and talk. They hadn't gotten in a relationship a couple of months after Rin broke up with Sousuke, and their marriage was established after two years of a shaky long-distance relationship. How in the world was Makoto going to--- Hell, what is he supposed to do?!

“Furude-san?”

“Yes?”

“I...” the brunette took a deep breath, “I think I understand the problem; my husband here lost his memories of the past four to five years... Would you please inform Takeya-san about this?”

And as Furude hurriedly made her way out of the room, a forget-me-not Makoto had brought in the first day of Rin's admittance slowly fell to the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flower language :
> 
> Red camellia - In Love, Perisihing with grace  
> Yellow camellia - Longing  
> White camellia - Waiting  
> Forget-me-nots - True love  
> Daisies - Faith  
> Edelweiss - Courage, Power  
> Carnations - Fascination, Distinction, Love  
> Azaleas - Patient, Modest  
> Asters - Remembrance  
> Irises - Good news, Glad tidings, Loyalty  
> Lavenders - Faithful


	2. Bittersweet

[Bittersweet.. Like Chocolate.]

 

It's been three days and Makoto was honestly starting to lose hope.

  
  


He had rushed off to the hospital every single day after work, now a photo album accompanying every bouquet of flowers he brought over. He had tried bringing three different albums each day, hoping that at least one of em could spark a memory in Rin's brain, but to no avail so far. Takeya-sensei had confirmed him of the possibility that Rin might not recover any of his memories whatsoever; he had hit the lower part of his head, after all. All that Makoto could do now is to just make new memories while trying to make Rin re-live their old ones.

 

“Hey, sorry I'm late,” Makoto apologized as he walked in the door, making Rin look up from his book in slight surprise, “Someone jumped in front of the train and caused a half an hour delay,” taking off his jacket and dumping it on the couch provided along with his bag.

 

“That's horrible,” Rin frowned, “Was it another salaryman?”

 

“Yeah, the usual. It's probably the stress. That's the only cause for everything nowadays...” Makoto replied distractedly, struggling to take the photo album out with only one hand; the other was holding on to another bouquet.

 

“Sunflowers today?” Rin questioned as he put his book away, and Makoto turned to him with a kind of shaky smile that honestly took the red-head quite aback. It looked like one of Makoto's fake smiles that left his eyes empty; except this smile seemed kind of tired and sad but it was still sincere, a real smile despite not completely reaching his hues and Rin doesn't know what to think at all. All he knew was that it made him extremely uneasy and that he didn't like it one bit.

 

“Yeah, you mentioned liking them, when we were on our honeymoon,” the other replied, now having succeeded taking the album out and gently put it on Rin's lap before he turned and replaced the wilting daisies with the sunflowers. When he turned back, Rin had already started to look through the pictures in the album. It was of their honeymoon in Okinawa; the red-head had succeeded in getting a private cottage near the lake in the mountains booked for a whole week and at that time, everything seemed to go way faster than comfortable for the both of them.

 

“When was this?” Rin asked, “It's beautiful...”  
  
“You like it?” Makoto asked as he sat down on the bed beside his husband, “These were taken on our honeymoon.”

 

Rin blinked, “We went to a place like _ _this__  for our honeymoon? Whoa...” the genuinely impressed stare in his eyes was enough to make Makoto's heart beat faster; even more so when the red-head moved to point at a picture, “Oh hey, what's this?”

 

“Which one? Ah, that's the lake behind the cottage. Your friend arranged this for us; a cottage in the mountains with a view of the lake. We stayed here for a whole week. It was the first thing you took a photo of as soon as we got there,” Makoto chuckled, “And these, are the interiors of the cottage, also taken by you.”

 

“Wow...” was all that Rin said as his eyes scanned the pictures, occasionally reaching out to touch them, “It's.. perfect. I've always wanted to stay in a place like this...”

 

“Then you're going to love this,” Makoto grinned, and he moved to turn the page; revealing a series of nature pictures. A wide, blue lake, surrounded by lots and lots and  _ _lots__ of trees, with a single boat floating in the far end of it. The small dock made of wood, overlooking the lake. The forest surrounding the lake. The lake with the cottage beside it. Their two happy faces with the cottage as the background.

 

“Wow. I took all this?”

 

“Yeah, couldn't pry the camera off of you even if I tried,” Makoto chuckled, leaning in a bit closer, “And this,” he pointed at a bonfire, “Was made with a  _ _lot__ of effort. You made me hack all the firewood though, and then,” he pointed at a picture of a person's wide back, hands held aloft with an axe in hand, “You took this picture, and kept on complimenting me on my 'sexy back muscles'.”

 

Beside him, Rin blushed, “W-well you _ _do__ have...  _ _nice__ back muscles, anyone can see that,” he mumbled before moving to point at a late-night scenery littered with yellow dots of lights, “What's this one?”

 

“Oh, that,” Makoto's gaze turned nostalgic, his eyes softening considerably, “Well, those are fireflies. You saw them over the lake and then had this crazy idea to have a midnight trip into the middle of the lake with the boat. I protested, at first, of course, but then you kissed me and dragged me off. We got surrounded by the fireflies when we reached the centre, and you took pictures from every angle possible. You said it was romantic... Well, it certainly felt romantic. Intimate, if you will.”

 

The silence that blanketed them then was full of comfortable reminiscence. It was unlike the awkward tension in the days before. Makoto sneaked a glance at the man beside him; Rin's eyes haven't left the pictures, scanning them with childlike awe, turning the pages to see more and more of their happy faces in the shots. There were shots of Rin in the kitchen from the back, shots of the rabbit that had somehow made their way on their porch, shots of their sleepy faces on the couch. It somehow made Makoto happy – the memories did, they were so beautiful – but also sad. Sad because he's now the only one who remembers. Memories once meant for just the two of them was now just a memory for him alone.

 

“Wow... This is so perfect; all of it,” Rin spoke up and Makoto patted the other's hand.

 

“Yeah, you said so too, back then. You said it was the happiest moment of your life.”

 

“I can imagine.. It's such a shame, though.”

 

“What is?” Makoto inquired, tilting his head, and Rin shrugged.

 

“It's a shame that I went to such a beautiful place but I can't remember a single thing of it. It's just  _ _sad__ , y'know?” he mumbled, eyes still transfixed onto pictures of the lake and the bonfire, leaving Makoto blinking and completely speechless beside him. The brunet was  _ _so__ taken aback by those words he didn't even know what to feel, let alone what to say. Well, what was the correct reaction in a situation like this, anyway?

 

“...”

 

The lack of response coming from Makoto made Rin look up in sudden realization at what he just said, though, and the red-head quickly turned to face his said-husband with frantic wide eyes, scrambling for something to say. Despite his amnesia, Makoto's character was one thing that Rin knew like the back of his hand. The man lived for others; he lived to make others happy and to put others before him, nearly refusing to think for his own good. He was selfishly selfless like that, and judging by the stories he just told, it was obvious that he had tried his best to make Rin happy on their so-called-honeymoon...

 

The happiest day of Rin's life that he can't even seem to remember.

 

“W-well, I... I mean, w... We can go there again, right?” he tried, a sheepish grin on his face, faltering the more he studied Makoto's blank, aghast face. Husband or not, hurting Makoto's feelings was one of Rin's big no-no's in life and he felt as if he had done just that.

 

Makoto's recovery, was, as usual, quite quick.

 

“Ah, yes, of course!” he replied, offering a shaky smile and a laugh too forceful to even be considered as a laugh, “A-anyways, um, yeah, that's uh, that's all of 'em. The, uh, pictures, I mean. Do you want to see more, or …?”

 

“Y-yeah!!” Rin quickly agreed –  _ _too__ quickly, it even made him cringe inwardly at himself, “Ofcourse, yeah!” but he was desperate for a change of atmosphere; the tension was choking him. “Err, actually, I was wondering about uh, this one!” and he pointed at a picture so dark nothing was barely distinguishable; but it had stars scribbled on them with yellow sharpie, along with a small pink heart at the corner of the photo. It was a random pick, really, he just pointed at the first most-innocent looking photo and this one seemed innocent enough. Anything to get them out of this awkwardness.

 

The fond laugh that Makoto let out a few seconds later told Rin that he had made the right choice, thank Heavens.

 

“Oh, that one!” he beamed, “You were actually a bit upset about that one. We were watching the stars,” the brunet explained, a soft look replacing his previous look – _ _this one suits him so much better__ _–_ and Rin can't help but let out a small sigh of relief as Makoto continued, “And it was beautiful. There were no clouds in sight and it was... well. A starry sky. You tried taking a selfie with that as the background but it was impossible, so you settled with taking a picture of the sky itself.”

 

“... it was too dark, wasn't it?” Rin chimed in, tracing the picture with his fingers, oblivious of Makoto's loving gaze directed at him.

 

“Yeah,” the other breathed out in response, eyes never leaving the red-head, “So you settled with this one,  _the best one_ , you said, and doodled those stars using one of Haru's sharpies that you stole...”

 

“I stole Haru's sharpies?” Rin frowned despite of the grin on his face and looked up to face Makoto with a smile. Instead he found the brunet already looking at him, their faces only an inch apart from each other. Rin tensed as red flooded his face; he was completely frozen, with his eyes wide from surprise and it felt as if his brain had shut down. He couldn't move, and found himself staring into Makoto's calm green eyes.

 

“Yeah, you did,” Makoto replied in barely a whisper, staring back into Rin's red hues calmly, taking Rin out of his hypnosis. _Oh shit oh shit oh shit why is he looking at me like that –_ Rin immediately focused back onto the album and looked for another picture to distract them. That was just way too awkward for him no matter  _ _what__  Makoto claims them both to be.

 

“Well, uh, th-then--” Rin fumbled, scanning the page for a picture, when his eyes stopped at a particular selfie. Makoto was asleep on his back, completely oblivious to the world as Rin rested his head on the other's chest, just beneath the collar bone, grinning up at the camera. The words _“_ _ _A sight only for me to see”__ was scribbled beneath it in Rin's own neat handwriting and he could only blink at the intimacy of it all. If Rin had ever doubted that he was actually married to Makoto, then, well, that picture just proved him wrong.

 

The couple in that picture – Rin still has a hard time believing that's him, but well, there he is – looked so... in.. tune. There were no walls between them, no worries, no nothing; and the fact that Makoto's sleeping so soundly made an emphasis. They were happy, that much was apparent, and once again Rin couldn't help but stare. How could he forget such a beautiful moment? How could a relationship this precious just fade from his memories? Unconsciously, quietly, he reached out and traced his own face in the picture, frowning, trying his best to remember something,  _ _anything__.

 

“You showed me that picture in the morning,” Makoto mumbled, snapping Rin out of his thoughts, “We were, well. We did...  _ _things__ , the night before,” and Rin's face heated up at that notion, “And you took that picture because you said I looked cute,” Makoto's voice had turned into a whisper, as if he were talking to himself, “You said it was the most relaxed you've ever seen me, and you wanted to remember it forever. You... You said you were happy... Happy because you feel as if it's a face I reserved only for you...” and Makoto trailed off, leaving the other staring.

 

Rin didn't know what to say.

 

It felt as if he had just intruded upon a sacred, intimate moment, a bystander listening in on things he's not supposed to hear; even though he knows it's him that Makoto's talking about. But he just couldn't make sense of it; he couldn't recall any of whatever the brunet had just described and it honestly felt a bit too good to be true. Was this fairytale love story really his? How could it be his? What on Earth did he ever do right to have the perfect man along with the perfect marriage fall into his lap just like that? It sounded way too far-fetched, even for him, and he knew for a fact tht he's a hopeless romantic sap. Not that he'd ever admit it. And as Rin tried to suppress the uneasy feeling slowly suffocating him, a glimpse of dark hair and determined teal eyes flashed in his mind. A wave of guilt attacked him.

 

_Sousuke_.

 

How could Rin have forgotten about him?! They just had a fight a few days ago and now here he was, having fun with Makoto. They were talking about a moment which seemed more like a bedtime story than a memory _and_ _he's still in a fight with Sou_ – no, wait, wait, _no._ No, Makoto told him that it was five years ago; he's married to Makoto now. Which means that the fight has long ended and so everything should be fine. Right?

 

But how could Rin and Makoto have been married?! It's not like Rin never imagined himself with the guy; he's perfect and Rin'd be lying if he said he didn't atleast crush a bit on him. But... Marriage? _Seriously_?! How?! What did the guy even see in him – They were polar opposites!! Sure, they were both romantic saps; God knows how many times Makoto talked about wanting to marry Haru ( _no,_ Rin, they broke up. Remember, “five years ago) and Rin had always wanted a wedding himself. He had always thought that Sousuke was the one, no matter how many fights they had, but...

 

The air around them had turned thick again, and Rin felt uncomfortable. Makoto's presence beside him didn't help much either; there was a heavy feel of sadness radiating off of him and it made Rin feel guilty. He almost wanted to just close the damn book and find something else to do; he's sure that the next picture would just dig up another set of beautiful memories that he can't remember which will of course result into Makoto being sad again.

 

“Rin, are you okay?” Makoto's soft voice spoke up from beside him, the brunet trying to catch the other's eyes. Nodding a bit too enthusiastically and not really deceiving anyone, Rin returned Makoto's stare with a shaky smile and gave a shrug.

 

“I'm fine, I actually think I recognized something.”

 

He'd be lying if he said he didn't notice Makoto's green eyes light up like a Christmas tree at the mention of him remembering something. Rin almost gave in to the urge to hurl himself out of the hospital window; he had obviously chosen to wrong set of words and gave Makoto false hope in the process.  _Oh well, what's done is done._

 

“This,” Rin stated as he tapped at a picture of a burnt dish, “I could recognize from anywhere at all. Must be your cooking.” Beside him, Makoto let out a tired laugh. Rin swore he could've heard Makoto's hopes shattering to pieces. There's a special place in Hell for people like him, huh?

 

“At least there's one thing about me that stuck to you,” he commented, and somehow Rin felt as if his heart had just been stabbed, “Yeah, that's mine. I tried making you breakfast in bed, but I ended up burning it and just panicked. The smell of smoke woke you up, though, and, well. You tried to salvage what was left --”

 

“Which isn't much, by the looks of it.”

 

“... and decided to take a picture because you think it's hilarious.”

 

“I can imagine,” Rin nodded, and then silence filled the air once again.

 

Makoto was absorbed in his thoughts, and it showed. He was slouching and leaned most of his weight onto Rin's side; his eyes were unfocused as well. Well shit.That's one of the signs that Makoto was thinking depressive thoughts – yes, Rin's quite familiar with it, thank you very much. He's had his fair share of listening to the guy's never-ending rants of despair about dear Haru. 

 

Trying his best to keep himself from panicking, Rin racked his brain for something, _anything_ , that might cheer Makoto up. He couldn't find nothing, really, and in an attempt to distract himself from over-panicking he reached out to get a glass of water from his stand. It was then when he spotted the chocolate pudding sitting neatly beside his glass; left-over dessert from his lunch this afternoon. He hadn't touched it at all; he didn't like sweets that much...

 

… Contrary to a certain brunet beside him.

 

Rin thanked whatever god was up there and moved the plate onto his lap.

 

“Hey, Makoto,” Rin called softly, placing his hand upon the other's arm, “You love chocolate, don't you?” and he found himself unable to stop staring at those green eyes as Makoto turned to smile at him, giving a reply that most likely was positive but didn't reach Rin's ears anyways. He was too busy staring.

 

And thinking.

 

Because he's sure that Makoto actually expected something else of him; the other saw him as his husband, didn't he? What would the Rin in Makoto's memory have done? The Rin who married him, spent five whole years with him, who spent the perfect honeymoon together with him? Rin didn't have a single clue and felt another wave of guilt fill him. How could Makoto be so patient? Giving your spouse sweets while he's feeling down surely doesn't seem like the right thing to do – Rin _knows_ it isn't the right thing to do – but no.

 

No, Rin couldn't be held responsible for losing his memories and he knows that Makoto would never hold it against him. He knows that Makoto understands, and, as the saint everybody says he is, will accept his husband however he is. However Rin is.

 

Doesn't stop him from feeling bad though.

 

Rin woke from his daze as Makoto took the plate from his hands and found himself yet again staring at that gorgeous smile as his heartbeat started to race. Uneasiness nearly flooded him at his body's reaction (Sousuke, what about Sousuke – ) but he calmed down as he repeated yesterday's events. _You're married to him, Rin, it's_ fine.

 

“Oh, thanks Rin,” Makoto smiled – Rin knows, just _knows_ that he had noticed him spacing out but chose not to say anything, the glint in those green hues said everything – and took a slice using the plastic spoon provided, humming in content as the sweet taste filled his mouth, “Mm, this tastes wonderful! I'm sure you would've hated it, Rin,” chuckling gently.

 

“Ugh, it must be super sweet if you look like that,” the red-head commented, watching as Makoto munched happily on the dessert, “What kind of hospital serves sweets to that degree, anyways? I mean, what if I get diabetes from it or something?” he muttered, his lips unconsciously forming a pout, and Makoto had to try _so hard_ to not just lean over and kiss them. _His_ Rin, the Rin he married, would most likely laugh and give into it; Rin loved to kiss, after all.

 

But _this_ Rin... Makoto felt like he was walking on a land mine with this one. He honestly never knew this side of the red-head. Sure, they've been close friends for most of their lives and Rin had always come to him for relationship problems – main reason why they got together in the first place – but Makoto had almost always been at the receiving part. Rin was the very reason they got in a relationship in the first place; Rin's affirmations was what gave Makoto courage to propose. Rin was the one who initiated nearly everything and cleared things up between them; Makoto had never dared to do anything unless all the variables were clear.

 

While this Rin here right in front of him was a mystery variable in itself.

 

Makoto might've said that the pudding was sweet; but only as he swallowed the last piece of dessert did the bitterness slowly fill his mouth, leaving him a heart filled with irony.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive my late updates :')


	3. Lies

[White Lies]

 

“Tadaima,” the tall brunette mumbled to no one in particular as he walked into the deserted house, the dull throbbing of his head mirroring the ache in his heart.

 

It's been five days.

 

Getting Rin to really respond after days of detached laughs and formal smiles had made his stressful days of work fade to the back of his mind, and he felt content in that moment. Until today, ofcourse, today where Sousuke had walked in to visit with Kisumi in tow and when realization had dawned upon Makoto that he had failed to inform anyone except Haru and Gou about Rin's amnesia. Sure, he could rely on the two to at least relay the information to other Iwatobi members, but whether Gou would relay it to Samezuka was a question mark in itself – no matter how much the Mikoshiba brothers seemed to bother her or how close Sousuke seems to be to her.

 

The tension radiating off of Rin as he saw Sousuke walk in (hand in hand with his pink-haired fiancé) was just so intense that Makoto found himself squeezing Rin's hand as a reminder. Of what, he didn't really know. All he knew – _hoped_ – was that by showing his husband that he was here for him would be enough to calm him down. It had always helped in the years they've been together (maybe it had been instinct or something, Makoto wouldn't really know) and he could only hope that Rin's body remembered Makoto's touch, at least.

 

It worked, luckily, because Rin had clenched his head in return – a full-blown death grip – but managed to give a smile, though the brunet was quite sure Sousuke could see through it. He only wished that he didn't; because then of course, Sousuke being himself, started the conversation with a smart-ass remark about how Rin looked visibly grumpier in the hospital, a “dark cloud compared to Kisumi's sunshine-smile”. Not that the brunet could blame the other, they've always been like that, really, the insults Sousuke and Rin throw at each other were all in good fun. But that was _after_ the two made up over the fact that Sousuke had literally cheated on the red-head with his now-fiancé. Not to Makoto's surprise, Rin had replied with real venom in his voice and had successfully made the soon-to-be-wed couple freeze in their spots.

 

Makoto dropped his body on the couch with a loud and tired sigh. Today had been uncomfortable and painful to watch; both the visit and how badly Rin coped with it.

 

Kisumi's attempts at lightening up the mood failed horribly also, making things less awkward but definitely more tense. Makoto supposed he could understand, though. Rin's last memories were of his highly unstable relationship with Sousuke, Kisumi being a catalyst, and the fact that the of them finally actually ended up must've hurt. Rin had angry tears in his eyes when Makoto had left to go home and get a change of clothes, only answering with a simple shake of the head when asked whether he wanted Makoto to bring him anything. The brunet knew that he was escaping by leaving, but what else could he have done?

 

Three hours later, the clock had struck eleven and Makoto's back in the hospital, wandering the monotone halls with his duffel bag in hand. His thoughts were wandering and he didn't know why he's even still here. His husband had forgotten their marriage – their whole relationship, to be bitterly precise – and is now depressed over an ex that's soon to be married to the one he cheated with...

 

Come to think of it, how would Rin react if he were to learn how he had actually broken up with the swimmer and that they're now engaged?

 

The tall brunet ran a hand through his olive-locks and groaned quietly. What is this? What the hell is he doing? Why is he even thinking about this; why is he contemplating this? Makoto didn't even know what he's actually worrying about right now. Leaving? He couldn't possibly leave his husband behind now could he? Makoto's love wasn't that shallow. What then? Rin's reaction? There was nothing Rin did that Makoto couldn't handle – or no, wait, he shouldn't jinx himself. Well, maybe he could see it as a second chance? But for what?? He hadn't had any regrets; Rin's the best thing that ever happened to him –

 

“Makoto?” came Rin's voice calling him out of his thoughts, and the brunet blinked as he took in his surroundings. Confused, it took him a few full seconds that he was standing in front of Rin's hospital room, hand on the handle, frozen half-way into the room. Well, that's a surprise; he must've been so far gone in his thoughts that he had unconsciously continued.

 

“Makoto, oi.”

 

Ah, yes, Rin.

 

“Ah! Sorry, Rin,” the brunet quickly apologized, entering the room, “I got you a change of clothes for – “

 

“Takeya-sensei told me I'd be discharged tomorrow.”

 

“... Yeah,” the orca agreed with a smile (after recovering from the shock; how could Rin sound so empty?), barely missing the thoughtful, uneasy look painted all over Rin's face. It took him a full minute to wonder as to what caused the gloom on his husbands face; but when it dawned on him, Makoto couldn't help but feel a bit gloomy himself.

 

He could guess what the other was thinking; and to be honest, he was thinking it too. How was he supposed to build a proper, steady household with a person that, well, that he didn't know? How were they to fall back into rhythm? Never mind that, how were they going to _sleep_? They were a couple – used to be? No, Makoto, don't think that – and to be honest, they were quite content with it. They didn't have a spare room – the one guest room provided is practically owned by Sousuke and Kisumi. Makoto couldn't possibly – well, he could. But he didn't want to. It's like sleeping in another couple's room. Wait, would that be how Rin'd be feeling?

 

What exactly was “home” for Rin, right now anyway? “Home” used to be where Makoto is, but given recent events, the brunet couldn't be so sure anymore. What was Rin expecting Makoto to be, to give, to feel, to act? The brunet knew how easy it'd be if he'd just _ask_ ; but wouldn't that be putting Rin in an uneasy position?

 

“Makoto, are you okay? You've been spacing out since you got in through the door,” and a pair of red eyes locked gazes with him as Rin's pale hand came up to cup his cheek. The brunet's chest constricted at the soft touch. Makoto knew that Rin merely did it out of concern – he must've seem very out of it – but he simply couldn't hold back the tears that slowly gathered in his eyes. Though simple, it was the most intimate contact they've shared in weeks since the accident and Makoto suddenly just realized how much he had actually missed his other half.

 

At the sight of tears slowly spilling from green orbs, Rin panicked. Oh shit shit shit what went wrong what did he do what should he do _why the fuck is Makoto crying_?! It was all way too sudden, one minute he thought Makoto's having a fever – what with him being unfocused and all – and he was just worried for him, and then the guy looks like as if Rin had just died in front of him. Or maybe Rin really was dead to him? He wasn't the Rin Makoto knew, after all, right?  Really, was Rin _that_ much of a fuck up?

 

Freezing in his spot, the red-head stared with wide eyes at the vulnerability his best friend ( _husband_ , Rin, it's husband now) is showing; a vulnerability he hadn't seen since Makoto broke up with Haruka a couple of weeks ago (no, years, Rin, years, it's been a couple of _years_ ago). Slowly, Rin hesitatingly reached up to cup the taller one's face with both hands as he gently wiped the tears away with his thumb, not knowing what else he could do. It just felt right. But when Makoto's chest heaved and the soft crying turned to sobs, Rin's stomach dropped. Oh God, wasn't he supposed to do that? Was... Was he supposed to do... More? He's his husband after all, now, but... What.. Should.. He..

 

The choked sob and bear hug that Makoto suddenly gave him shook him out of his reveries. The older one's shoulders were now shaking, holding on to Rin tightly as if he were his lifeline. There were no words, not even a whisper, but somehow... Somehow Rin felt comfort; content. He wasn't the one crying, he wasn't the one hugging, he wasn't the one being comforted, but he felt safe. He felt, that in this very moment, that he simply belonged here, in Makoto's arms.

 

Yeah okay so he's a sap, sue him. But really, this could be proof that they were married, right? Like they say, nothing could fool the heart, right? Right. Hesitantly, Rin wrapped him arms around the bigger man, patting the olive-green locks in an attempt to soothe. Willing the thoughts of dark-brown hair out of his mind, Rin slowly pried Makoto from him, cupping the other's face and inspected those droopy teal eyes (green, Matsuoka, for fuck's sake, it's _green_ ) for any other traces of tears.

 

There were plenty of 'em.

 

Oh, Rin had a feeling that this is going to be a long night.

 

A few comforting pats and hugs later, the two of them finally managed to fall back into the previous rhythm that they've built the past five days. They sat and talked, with Makoto doing most of the talking while Rin listened and asked the occasional question; about what he's missed all these years and how they ended up meeting. It was quite the fairytale, actually, it was so fucking perfect Rin had a hard time believing it was real. Their marriage seemed like a total princess fantasy as well; who the hell organizes a garden wedding party with their oaths sworn on a make-shift altar on top of a sakura pool?

 

Well, apparently they did.

 

“... and Haru jumped into the pool and you were holding my hands so tight, and I thought, oh dear Rin's about to yell but he hasn't completed his vows yet what should I do??” Makoto laughed, and to be honest, it was the happiest Rin has seen him so far. His smile was genuine and he actually threw his head back when he laughed earlier; it seemed so pure that the red-head couldn't help but feel elated himself. Makoto Tachibana had always been contagious.

 

“And? What'd you do?”

 

“I shook you out of it,” Makoto shrugged, a teasing grin on his face that Rin didn't even know he was able of making, “Squeezed your hand back and asked whether you still wanted to marry me. And you, well, snapped at me, _of course I_ _do_ _, you idiot –_ “

 

“What the fuck I do _not_ sound like that –“

 

“ – And I urged you to finish your vows and slip the ring on and, well, we jumped into the pool as well!!”

 

Rin shot Makoto a dirty look, “... Why do I have the feeling that I did not jump in willingly?”

 

“Well, I miiiiight have hauled you bodily over into it, but, ahaha, well, who knows?”

 

“Jerk!” Rin laughed along, punching the other's arm softly, “I can't believe you did that! We were barely married for like, what, five seconds? Haha!”

 

Makoto's laugh faltered a bit at that, though, and Rin would have missed it if not for the fact that they had caught each other's eyes right at that moment. It was fact that Makoto was a pro at hiding his feelings; he might not have Haru's pokerface but his smile was just as good a mask as any. Rin wasn't one to fall for them though, they've not been good childhood friends for nothing. He had realized, by now, that everytime he said anything that indicated a hint of memory, Makoto would always get his hopes up, even just a bit. And the lack of guilt or remorse regarding that fact made Rin question himself.

 

Did that make him an awful person? Heartless? He knew he couldn't be held responsible for losing his memory, but shouldn't he feel bad for Makoto, as his husband? Or, as a best friend, at least? But the fact is that he didn't much except a mild case of uneasiness and Rin's previous doubts rose to the surface. How could he have married such a caring, wonderful person? He couldn't even get through a day without having at least one small argument with Sousuke, and –

 

… Wait.

 

Rin steeled himself and nudged the other's arm, “Makoto?”  
  
“Ah, yes, Rin?”  
  
“I.. I was wondering, and I'd like to ask you something.”

 

The sudden formal tone that the red-head took was enough to make Makoto freeze. Oh dear. He knew this one; it was typical of Rin to behave formally, _perfectly_ , when he was about to ask for something he knew he was most likely not supposed to have. Steeling himself inwardly, Makoto cracked a smile and nodded.

 

“What is it?”

 

“Sousuke and I.. How did we break up?” the red-head fidgeted with his covers, “I must've told you if I broke up with him; you were the only one I had at the time...”

 

An uneasy silence filled the air.

 

Rin was waiting for an answer he wasn't even sure he would get; whereas Makoto was debating on either telling his husband the harsh cold truth or just simply give him a white lie. It wasnt that he didn't want to be honest or anything; it was more in fear of the effects it'll have on Rin's recovery. He loved the red-head more than anything.

 

“Makoto?”

 

“Yeah, sorry, I spaced out,” the brunet grinned apologetically, scratching his cheek, “But come to think of it, I never recalled you telling me any details about it at all, Rin. I was actually at home when you suddenly called, and, uh, well, told me you were at the front door. You had nothing on you, and said you needed a place to crash because you couldn't stand being at home and didn't know where else to go.”

 

Which was a complete and total lie because Rin had, in fact, drunk-called him at two in the morning and asked with half-sobs and half-insane laughter for Makoto to pick him up because, and this is a quote, “ I don't have anyone else stupid enough to stick around with me anyway.” Rin had then insisted to crash at Makoto's because, “I cant stay in a place full of memories like that, I _cant_ ” and proceeded to sob out the details of his break-up before jumping Makoto and kissing him senseless in a drunked stupor.

 

“... that's it?” Rin frowned, his gaze slightly suspicious, “How long did I crash at your place for?”

 

“Oh, uh, well... I.. Don't think I can remember. A week or so? You were quite adamant about not going back home for a while.”

 

Another big-ass lie, because Makoto had already possessed strong feelings for the red-head at that time, and who could say no when a person like Rin forces a kiss on you, really? How could Makoto forget the awesome drunk sex they had and how awkward it was for the two of them that Makoto fled before Rin had woken up? How he came home to an empty house, all traces of his midnight guest swept clean? How they had avoided each other like the plague for weeks, if not for Haruka who got sick of their shit and got them back together.

 

“Then what about Kisumi? My last fight with Sousuke was about him, and I know I shared everything with you regarding that.”

 

“Ah, that, well..” Makoto hesitated, “You...”

 

“Please just be honest with me, Mako, I need to know,” Rin pleaded silently and Makoto worked hard to ignore the guilt constricting his chest.

 

“I am being honest, Rin, but you didn't tell me anything except for the fact that Sousuke stayed over at Kisumi's for a few weeks right after the fight.”

 

Makoto 's lying through his teeth again and wondered when in the world he had gotten so good at it. He knew everything about it, because Kisumi himself came to him for answers. Sousuke had been already been with Kisumi in a long distance, New York – Tokyo relationship for three months without telling the pink-haired basketballer that he was still with Rin. Kisumi thought they had broken up and thus went along with it; but had his suspicions when Sousuke declined Skype chats for unfathomable reasons. Kisumi had met up with Makoto for answers as soon as he came home to Japan, but Rin found out everything before he got the chance to apologize.

 

Sousuke and Rin's relationship had been a complete mess at the time; and Makoto understood very well why Sousuke did what he did. Sousuke and Rin were partners for life, but were simply not compatible in a romantic relationship not matter how much in love the two of them were. Sousuke found his thrill and excitement (the things that keep you from boredom) in Kisumi, just as Makoto found his attraction (and in the end, love) Rin's fieriness. Difference was that Haru understood Makoto more than anything and that they broke up peacefully with no hard feelngs, just the naked truth. Whereas Rin's too dependent and scared to let go and Sousuke couldn't ever had the heart to hurt his one precious person.

 

“Oh, I see...” came Rin's quiet reply, a troubled frown adorning his beautiful features. It took a lot of Makoto's willpower to not just lean over and kiss those worries away – regular thing they had done for years – in fear of making the other uncomfortable. It hurt him, lying like this. The two of them had never been anything but honest to each other since he could remember, especially more so after they had agreed on a serious relationship. But how was Makoto supposed to tell him all of those hurtful truths? How was he supposed to watch Rin wilt with sadness? How was he supposed to tell Rin the things that had made him feel broken and betrayed?

 

Makoto sighed and clenched his fists.

 

Some things were just best left behind closed doors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And yes, people, I will be writing about their sakura-pool marriage in the later chapters :p


	4. Kids

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this took so long.  
> I'm having trouble feeling anything at all, lately, and that really affects my writing :(  
> I get plot bunnies all the time I just don't know how to get it out of my system Orz
> 
> Anyways, enjoy!!

[Kids]

 

“Oniichan, Makoto-senpai is here!!”

 

“Got it!”

 

It had been four months since Rin's discharge from the hospital and the red-head had decided to go home to his mother's instead of their own house. It came as both a relief and a worry to Makoto since it'd give them time to adjust each other but it made him realize just how much of a stranger they are to each other now. But Makoto had promised to give Rin time to adjust, and he held true to his word.

 

It wasn't easy; coming home to an empty house had made him feel so lonely that he decided to spend most of his time at work so he could come home exhausted and not even register the vast emptiness in his apartment. It tore at him, from the inside out, really, but Makoto wouldn't be Makoto if he admitted to it. He's fine, he had to be, because how could he support Rin if he couldn't support himself? Besides, he didn't have a real reason to feel this way, anyway. He kept regular contact with Rin, they met up once every two months as well. He just wasn't used to being separated from Rin for this long, so maybe this is the best to cope with his co-dependency as well. 

 

This was the best for both parties.

 

_You're lying to yourself again,_ came Haru's voice from somewhere in the back of his mind, but Makoto quickly shrugged it off. He really didn't need this right now. 

 

“Earth to Makoto?”

 

A hand waved itself in front of his face and Makoto jumped. It was Rin, standing beside him in navy-blue shirt and jeans, frowning in concern.

 

“Wow, you look awful,” he commented, brushing Makoto's olive-locks aside, “Did you get enough sleep?”

 

“Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. It's just a busy work at week. I mean, week at work. It's been a busy week at work,” and Makoto flashed him a smile, “Sorry, Rin, I'm just a bit tired, that's all.”

 

Makoto's smile did little to assure the red-head though, and Rin crouched in front of him in thought, “Can we move today's plans, then? You look worse since the last time I saw you,” he offered, and Makoto visibly panicked. Maybe it was due to his exhaustion, or maybe the stress, but somehow the thought of having to go back home and going back to all that silence is worse than anything.

 

“N-no, Rin, we can't! We've been delaying things with the orphanage for two months already! Noa might get adopted by someone else!” Makoto exclaimed, panic all too visible, and Rin sighed, moving to sit on the floor in front of his husband. This is hard.

 

Yesterday, Makoto had received a call from the orphanage in Kurayoshi regarding the adoption of a seven year old Noa. The boy's papers were settled but Makoto still had things to discuss regarding Rin's current state; thus having to come over today.

 

To be brutally honest, Rin isn't ready for a kid.

 

Not that he didn't want to; having a complete family was all that he ever wanted, and raising a child didn't really sound that bad. But could they really raise a child like this? Rin still hadn't figured out how he felt about Makoto; not to mention his amnesia. Makoto looked like he wasn't faring any better himself, what with those dark circles around his eyes and tired smiles. Seeing the brunet like that made Rin want to move in with him just for the sake of taking care of him, he really did, he cared a lot for him after all, but what if he fucked up? He didn't know how to be a proper loving husband; much less be Tachibana-the-perfect-saint-Makoto's husband. What if Rin's act of pure kindness stirs things up even more?

 

Really, with how dysfunctional they are right now, is having a kid really an option?

 

But he also knew he couldn't refuse. Somehow Rin just felt that he just doesn't have the right to. For one, it'd make Makoto sad. Second off, he just felt as if... It's not his call to make. Not the current him, atIeast. It's as if he's continuing a legacy from another him, the him that's Makoto's husband. If that makes any sense.

 

“Rin...?” Makoto spoke up softly, hand reaching out to pat his shoulder, “It's okay if you don't want to come with me. I just have to meet the Headmaster and discuss our current situation, it's... Nothing very important.”

 

But why can Rin so clearly hear Makoto begging him to come with? The red-head stood up and sighed, flashing his so-called-husband a warm smile.

 

“It's alright. I should make myself familiar with our soon-to-be-son anyway, shouldn't I?”

 

~*~

 

The first thing that Rin noticed as he walked in was that there were so many children playing in the yard, running around and chasing each other. The second thing that Rin noticed was a little girl with brown hair framing her face running towards him with an ear-deafening “Rin-san!!!” and glomped him, her small frame barely reaching Rin's hip. The third thing that Rin noticed as he crouched down to hug the child was that the pretty little girl turned out to be a boy with dark-red hair that smelt like sanitizer soap and had eyes as green as meadows. The boy's smile was contagious, and Makoto approving laugh came from somewhere above him.

 

“Hey there, Noa-kun.”

 

“Mako-san!! I missed you! Rin-san, Rin-san, you remember me, don't you?” he asked, beaming as he pointed at himself, and the red-head found himself without a response. Because really, how was he supposed to answer that question? They boy didn't seem to mind, though and wrapped his arms around Rin's neck, hugging Rin tightly.  
  
“Mako-san told me you were sick, and forgot new people. That's okay, though, I can help you remember!!”

 

And so started Rin's day with Noa.

 

As Makoto excused himself to talk to the head of the orphanage, Rin had his lap full of a beaming 7 year old telling him all about himself and all the things they – Makoto, Rin, and Noa himself – had done for the past 1 year and 6 months they've known each other. The boy told Rin about how he had lost his family in a car accident and how Makoto had rescued him seconds before the car exploded (Rin never knew Makoto could be that courageous; he'd have to ask, later.) and brought him to the orphanage. Noa told him about how Makoto had visited as often as he could since then, bringing Rin with every single time. How he felt happy when they announced that they were adopting him. How sad he was when he heard about Rin's accident and was willing to wait until Rin was better.

 

It was adorable.

 

And so, so sincere. The child in his lap reminded the red-head of a certain green-eyed brunet who was forced to mature at the young age of 11 because he had to take care of his younger siblings and best friend. Rin now understood why the former him had grown attached to the child; his sincerity, patience, kindness and maturity resembled Makoto a lot.

 

Rin didn't know how to respond – it was actually a bit too much to take in – and so, he smiled. He smiled and decided to just focus on indulging the child in his lap, pushing away all that's troubling his mind, not noticing his husband's return from the office.

 

Not that Makoto approached the two, anyway. Noticing the atmosphere around them as soon as he entered the vicinity, Makoto found himself hanging back as he watched his two loved ones interact with each other naturally, Rin having smiled the most he had ever seen him these past few weeks. The sight made his chest constrict, somehow. He felt happy, of course, the sight brought a smile, but there was something... _Off_ about it, but Makoto can't seem to place his finger on it. Noa seemed comfortable with Rin, and Rin himself is letting himself be carried away by the boy's excitement, so what was bothering him so much, then?

 

_That's not Rin._

 

The thought flashed by and Makoto nearly slapped himself for thinking such a thing. How could he? Sure, the Rin sitting there might not be the Rin he married, but it was the Rin he had built a relationship with, the Rin he had fallen in love with. How could he be so selfish and (judge? Distrust? Demand? Mistreat?) be like this towards Rin?

 

“Mako-san!!”

 

“Oof!”

 

His train of thoughts, however, was cut short by a certain little boy attaching himself to him with a bear hug to his thigh, rambling away, as Rin looks by with a hesitant smile from where he sat, unmoving, unfocused.  
  
~*~

 

Rin had always wanted to have kids.

 

It's just that he had never even once in his life thought that it'd be with his saint-like, perfect, childhood friend.

 

Up until that day he woke up in the hospital, his world had only consisted of swimming, Sousuke, and Gou. His fights with Sousuke made it unbelievably hard, of course, but he still believed that they could fix it, that it was just another phase in their relationship. (Though he knew that he was screwed the moment he realized he couldn't go one week without his usual meet-ups with Makoto, but like hell he'd ever admit that even to himself.) And then one day he found himself waking up in a hospital with Makoto's surname replacing his own.

 

He might sound selfish, but four months just wasn't enough. Sure, it gave him time to let it all sink in; he adjusted well to his environment with the help of his mother and sister, he started to rebuild the relationships he had forgotten. Four months was enough for him to cope with his amnesiac condition.

 

Not with his marital status.

 

It was still hard to believe sometimes, to wake up in his own bed at home, alone, without Sousuke's safe warmth to cuddle up to. To realize, every time the fantasy came up, that Sousuke actually belonged to someone else now, that he was about to get married to someone that wasn't Rin, it's just... Quite a lot to take in. And the fact that he and Makoto are separated for over 5 hours by freaking _airplane_ doesn't make it any easier.

 

Well, it was his choice to start from home anyways.

 

“Hey, Rin,” came Makoto's soft voice from beside him, “Would you like to grab a bite first? Our usual cafe shouldn't be too crowded at this hour...” he mumbled as he checked his watch, and Rin let out a breath that he didn't know he was holding. Makoto is gorgeous, and saying that Rin had never been attracted to the guy is quite the blatant lie. His smile had always melted Rin's heart, and his voice had always managed to persuade him into doing literally _anything_ , ever since they met back in their elementary days. Rin also knew that he loved him; cared deeply for him to the point where he wanted to protect him, badly. 

 

He just wasn't sure whether his love was also romantically inclined.

 

“Makoto.”

 

“Ah, yes Rin?”

 

That contagious smile again.

 

“Is it okay if we go straight home?”

 

And gone was the smile, replaced by one of his trademark fake smiles that Rin had learned to notice since their childhood years. Rin felt his own smile waver. 

 

“Oh, of course!” the taller one smiled (it's one of his automatic fake smiles again, Rin could tell), “You must be tired. I'll walk you home,” and the slight finality in his voice is emphasized by the hand draped casually around the red-head's shoulders. Rin tensed; this display of passive dominance was way too unfamiliar.

 

The trip home was uneventful and quiet, dreadfully so. Makoto was being his usual calm and friendly self, but it all felt so distant, and it was at times like these that Rin wondered whether he should feel lucky that he had learned to recognize all of the other's masks. The arms draped around him had been removed since they got in the train; now they have already gotten off and it got all the more awkward. They didn't talk, didn't meet eye-to-eye, it was awkward and Rin was worried. Not because of the silence, but because of Makoto's non-existant attempts to break said silence. And in all the years that Rin's known him, Makoto could never stand this type of awkwardness and would start on _some_ small talk...

 

But then again Rin _did_ miss out on four whole years, hadn't he?

 

“Well, we're here,” Makoto spoke up from beside him as their steps halted, neither of them really wanting to part ways. Rin felt as if there were too many things unsaid, too many questions unanswered, but he had no idea how to voice them. Makoto was fidgeting in his spot too, unsure of what to do next. He missed Rin too much, their day was cut off way too short for his liking, but he couldn't be selfish.

 

This is not yet the Rin that had allowed him to be. This Rin is still the old Rin that needed Makoto as a pillar, as support. Makoto hadn't made any mutual understandings with this Rin yet.

 

A grim smile crossed his features and it was too obvious for Rin to miss. Clearing his throat, the red-head spoke up.

 

“Come inside?” Rin mumbled, hands stiff in his pockets, cracking a nervous grin, “You seem hungry, I can make us some lunch?”

 

“Eh? N-no, Rin, it's fine – ”

 

Typical.

 

“Nobody's home and I don't want to eat alone. C'mon.”

 

One hour and one home-cooked meal later, Rin was leaning against the countertop as Makoto did the dishes beside him. They were laughing, talking about everything and nothing and it felt domestic. It felt domestic and comfortable and _familiar_ and it felt... Right. Like this is a situation where Rin belonged, in this picture, laughing as Makoto did the dishes as compensation for Rin's cooking.

 

“Oh, by the way. Can I ask you about something?” he asked, smile still on his lips.

 

“Sure, Rin.”

 

“It's about Noa. He... Well, he told me you saved him from a car crash....?”

 

“Oh! Oh, well, haha,” Makoto smiled, shrugging as he turned the faucet off, “Kind of? I guess? I mean, I didn't dive in or anything, Noa was already half-way out the broken window. When I got there, the car had already crashed. He was hanging from his seatbelt, the car was upside down. I saw him, pulled him out, and before I could check for his parents or any other survivor, the car exploded.”

 

Rin raised an eyebrow and gaped, “It what?”

 

“Exploded,” Makoto repeated sheepishly, “Most people were just standing there, watching, or taking shots of me saving Noa-kun. There was a man or two that finally helped me drag Noa out of the car, and it exploded.”

 

Rin crossed his arms, impressed.

 

“And Noa? Wasn't he like, traumatized?”

 

“Very much,” the other sighed, leaning against the sink beside Rin, “Which was also one of the reasons I decided to adopt him, to which you agreed. At the time,” he added in quickly, “But I'd completely understand if it's too soon for you right now, and –“

 

“Makoto, hey, I'm agreeing now, too,” Rin quickly cut him off, reaching out to place his hand atop of Makoto's, “It's fine, really.”

 

“Y-yeah, I know, sorry,” the other sighed, “It's just... Awkward? I... Rin, may I be honest with you?”

 

Who could say no to that face, really?

 

“Yeah, sure. Shoot.”

 

“It's probably going to make you uncomfortable, but...”

 

But Rin never really got to hear the end of it as the sound of the front door effectively cut Makoto off mid-sentence and Gou's cheerful voice filled the house instead as she rounded the corner and walked into the kitchen, her mother following close behind.

 

“Oniichaaaaan, tadaimaa!! Ara, Makoto-senpai, you're still here?”

 

“Gou, dear, that's not the correct phrase,” Mrs. Matsuoka gently scolded, “Evening, Makoto, dear. How was the orphanage?”

 

“Ah, hai, okaerinasai,” Makoto smiled politely, “It went smooth. The Headmaster gave us another month. He agreed that an unstable environment wouldn't be the best. Plus we're not living under the same roof, so...”

 

Mrs. Matsuoka waved a hand dismissively, “Oh yes, of course, I understand, raising a child is quite hard. Anyways, Makoto, dear, it's getting quite cloudy outside; I hope you're staying the night?”

 

Gou pursed her lips at the notion, “Mom, he can't! Makoto-senpai has to go back to Tokyo, remember?”

 

“Oh, yes, I forgot! I'm so sorry dear!”

 

“No, no, it's alright, Matsuoka-san, Gou-chan... I was just leaving, anyway. My flight's leaving in three hours,” he smiled, bowing politely, and Rin frowned at the lie. Makoto had just told him that his flight was at ten PM sharp, and it's only five o'clock. The fact that the other didn't even dare to look Rin in the eyes as he excused himself to go and gather his things somehow made it a bit difficult to breathe...

 

Rin followed him up the stairs to his room and watched from the door as Makoto paced around his room.

 

“What'cha doing?”

 

“Oh, Rin! No, I was just... My jacket? I'm sure I put it here somewhere...”

 

“You hung it down by the genkan,” Rin replied, crossing his arms, “Why are you in such a hurry?”

 

“Eh?”

 

“Makoto, your flight leaves at ten. It's still five.”

 

“...”

 

Rin didn't know what to make from Makoto's expression; it was unreadable and realization suddenly dawned on him about the fact that he wouldn't be getting anywhere with his marriage if he kept running away from the real confrontation. Not that he was running away in the first place.

 

The red-head walked over to the taller man, sighing, “Okay, you know what?”and placed his hands on the other's shoulders, guiding him backwards to his bed and pushing him down to sit on it, “Stay there.”

 

“Eh? Rin?” Makoto blinked, watching dumbfoundedly from his spot as he watched Rin rummage in his closet, extracting a backpack and a huge luggage case, “What are you... Doing?”

 

“Packing my stuff.”

 

Makoto blinked again.

 

“Eh?”

 

Rin turned around with his hand on his hips, “I'm coming with you. You obviously haven't been getting enough sleep and I bet you haven't been eating well, either.”

 

“I can cook now, y'know – ”

 

“You look shitty,” Rin stated, “And I'm coming with you to make sure it doesn't get worse.”

 

With that stated, the red-head turned around and proceeded his rummaging through his closet, pretending he couldn't feel Makoto's smile searing in to his back.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, sorry it's such a short sucky chapter :(  
> Please tell me what you think about it? The more input you give the bigger chances I'll update faster :p
> 
> By the way, the distance from Iwami (Iwatobi) Airport to Tokyo Airport is approx 455 miles and takes 5 hours or so, while the approx distance from Iwami city itself to the airport is somewhere around 2 hours by train if I'm not mistaken :')  
> So, yeah.


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